As the end neared closer, things started to fade. The laughter began to fade, the smiles began to fade, those bright blue eyes began to fade. The hope that he would recover eventually faded.
Ben was the brightest person I knew. From the blonde hair and blue eyes to the contagious laugh and joyous humor. I can't even put into words the amount of happiness and love Ben showed. Whether it was the squeals of excitement when the commercial break was over and he wanted to ensure you didn't miss the show. Or the contagious laughter when you embarrassed yourself. No matter the pain, he never let it get the best of his smile. But in the last week of his life, those blue eyes began to slowly close and the smile began to diminish. It was like he was fading away from life. On those last days, Ben wasn't the same person, and that was more painful than anything else. As much as I hate to admit it, his passing gave a sense of relief. At least I didn't have to watch him suffer so much. Although I couldn't see his smile anymore, at least I didn't have to see the faded version of it. Not to say that losing him didn't hurt, because I still feel the absence every day. But those last days are a version of him that I never wanted to see.
And now, my biggest fear is that just like his smile faded away, that the memories of us together will slowly fade as well.