Today is my sister’s birthday in Heaven. In April, on the anniversary of her passing, I wrote on social media about feeling an obligation to post on these tough days. As more milestones go by without Blair, it becomes harder to put my emotions into words. This year, I was taken aback by the realization that the last birthday I celebrated with my sister was four years ago. It was her 15th birthday, and I don’t remember thinking it could be her last. Today, she would have turned 19. I had to check myself when I typed that number on my Instagram story this morning. 19? I can’t really imagine Blair as a 19-year-old. That seems so out of reach for the girl I knew. It’s a reminder of the strange way time passes when you’ve lost someone.
One year ago, I was giving a speech about my journey and this website at the MPS Conference. I was feeling more motivated and passionate than ever about sibling support after meeting so many super sibs. Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling as inspired lately. I’ve slowed down posting while focusing on other aspects of my life. And while I know that this is a good thing, maybe even a sign of healing, I can’t help but feel guilty. It scares me that this way of honoring and remembering Blair isn’t such a big part of my life right now. But it’s just the way time passes. Emotions and passions may change, but I will always incorporate Blair’s legacy into my life.